Stupid People and why they exist?

Human beings, as history books in Pakistan don’t tell us, are the descendants of monkeys. Some of these monkeys, however, evolved and grew lesser chest hair. The evolution process has continued and resulted in the formation of modern human beings.

A research having recently taken place at Karachi University about the emergence of human beings on Earth has given some startling results and shed light on the stages of evolution. The researchers claim that the chain of evolution may not have been continuous in apes. This is not something entirely unknown. We know for sure that our cousins Neanderthals also could not evolve beyond their dumb and furry self. They were then forced to move into snowy caves and die their slow death, one oaf at a time. But as the research tells, it may have halted for some humans as well.

This is not to say that the evolution process stopped altogether.. Physical growth has continued and this sub-specie of humans, termed Homo Moronium, by the scientists walks upright and shares many physical traits with the modern humans. The brain however, could not develop, resulting in fully grown but intellectually handicapped(stupid) human beings.

 

Professor Pudoo Patel posing for local television

Professor Pudoo Patel posing for local TV channel

In his journal “The Anatomy of Stupid People”, Professor Pudoo Patel, head of Department of Biology, KU, tells,”The advancement of brain seems to have stopped around 14000 BC. This can be attributed to a severe genetic mutation caused by the Sun’s ultraviolet rays hitting the Earth from an angle of 45 degrees and hampering the growth of many parts of the brain. Or it could be just that their brain refused to advance beyond a certain level. This explains why these people are content with mediocrity.”

These humans, as researchers claim, originated in Eastern Africa and moved into different parts of the world. A large majority also moved into the Indian subcontinent. After having been shunned by the normal society and wanting to increase their numbers, they formed their own clans and intermarried. They married their own fathers, sisters and pets: a reason why cousin marriages are still a sacred tradition in stupid clans. These people are known for their loyalty to all the bullshit they come up with as tribal norms, like honor killing.

Their numbers had increased upto a million by 2400 BC, and by 135  BC, they outnumbered thinking, intelligent life on Earth. That’s when the classification between rational and irrational ceased and a more vigorous one between moral and immoral began. These people have infiltrated many professions and are held responsible for the degradation and devolution of human mind, conspiracy theories, Justin Bieber’s rise to fame and and Punjabi Hip Hop. This specie has done its best to mingle into the human population although some of its traits give its identity away. They are known to feel the urge to produce loud raucous sounds when in the presence of women and catcall them, which evidences the fact that they could not mature beyond their animal self. A tilted baseball cap and baggy pants are sometimes wrongly considered as their biological features.

Scientists are as yet uncertain about the future and incentives of this specie. Some wanted to lock them up in laboratories so further research could be carried out on them, while the ones wearing PETA shirts demanded that they be sent back to their natural habitats. Most are however, united in agreeing that they should be isolated and kept away from the human population

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About amnashoaib

Books. Bhelpuri. Hanging from the ceiling
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