Obsessions of a mediocre Paki

People around the world have obsessions. They obsess over personalities,football and what not. Some shitheads also obsess over Twilight.There are some national obsessions too. Japanese obsess over electronics,while Russians over mystery moons.Likewise,Pakistanis also have a number of overwhelming, if strange ,obsessions. What follows is a list of our most popular obsessions.

Myths:The most common obsession.Pakis are obsessed with myths,and proud to be so.These people will readily believe all the falsehoods that pass around here for religion,thinking it will somehow grant them an entry into Paradise.They have to,like totally HAVE TO,bring morality in every conversation to prove their point.They religiously like the status updates of every God-related group on Facebook,and even more religiously post obscene comments on the photos of “Hawt Galzz”.This obsession with myths is used by mullahs to spread hatred,and by despos dying to get likes on their Facebook status:”Like this if you love God,ignore if you love Shaitan.”If you are a rational Paki without an obsession of myths,you are damned.

Food:The only socially-acceptable form of entertainment,and thus an obsession. It has an irreplaceable role in the life of every Paki.Foods are treated as omens.From your performance in an exam to your success at a job interview,everything depends on the food you had that morning.So important it is that people get married just so they can get a girl to cookl daily meals for them.Not only marriages happen because of food,marriages also end because of food.The biggest reason for breakup of marriages in Pakistan is because the girl couldn’t cook,or cook well enough.It is an obsession from which there is no escape.Many aunties have tried without success to tone down their bellies so they could dance at the weddings of their sons/nieces/daughters.

Marriages:If Pakis consider anything to be their Nasb-ul-ain,reason of living,it is undoubtedly marriage.There can be two scenario in your life if you are a Pakis.The first is:You get pulled out of college,get married to a person you don’t know and spend the rest of your life obsessing over “gul ahmed ki lawn”.You are an obedient son/daughter,a responsible citizen.The second thing is:You graduate,get a job and have fun.PEOPLE EFFINNGGG HATEE YOU! You are a constant source of worry to your parents,a threat to society.And if God forbid,you happen to be a goat(girl),there are constant myths surrounding your unmarried state.You have a bad character,are ugly or you are being punished for sins in a previous life.

Conspiracy theories:Another obsession of a nation who just can’t  come to terms with its own faults.Anything that goes wrong,from your leaking roof to the sorry state of affairs your country is in,has to be blamed upon India/Amreeka.The reason for these countries to abandon their own affairs to screw everything for Pakistan,is OFCOURSE,they are jealous.These people just can’t get over the myth of Pakistan being the best nation in the world.These are usually good-for-nothing losers who are too lazy to change theri clothes and thus talk of changing the world.According to these people global warming doesn’t exist,world is never running out of oil and Justin Bieber is not a real person.These are all lies cooked up by Amreeka so people could drive themselves crazy looking for a solution for these non-existent problems,and thus ignore the real problems.I f they get lucky,they get a job at a crappy news- channel as an “analyst” and spend the rest of their lives giving their expert opinion on everything under the sun.

Ok so I’m supposed to write something like “So these were the obsessions we need to get over”,but I can never think of any concluding line.So I will leave it like thatt.

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About amnashoaib

Books. Bhelpuri. Hanging from the ceiling
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One Response to Obsessions of a mediocre Paki

  1. farheen zaidi says:

    I applaud your ballsy effort to publish an amazingly accurate blog. It was hillarious and i couldn’t agree more!
    I relate to this to an immeasurable extent.
    We would be a lot better off if we discard these practises as our dillusioned minds need to adjust reality.
    How long will we live our lives according to social norms and claim to become a progressive state in the future. We are just pawns for another person’s game. If we continue to adhere to the social stigmas, we spread hate, kill people, make their lives miserable for as long as they live and continue to live in false consciousness. If we continue to do so we might as well, dig a pit in the ground and live there, because that is where our false morals lead us.
    A dead end.

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